5 craziest crimes of the week

A fitting name on the police blotter and an ill-advised call to 911 are among the weirdest crime stories of the week:

1. Guess why Paul Stoner got arrested: The jokes are only going to get worse for the Stoner clan of Virginia. Police arrested 42-year-old Paul Stoner on, yes, marijuana charges. Pretty serious ones, too.

2. Guy calls 911 when denied sex by stripper: There are some incidents that don't warrant a 911 call. One of those is when a stripper won't turn a lap dance into sex, a lesson learned by a disappointed 53-year-old man in Montana.

3. Dad of 'affluenza' teen accused of posing as a cop: Another strange turn for the family behind the infamous "affluenza" defense. Dad Fred Couch has been charged with impersonating a police officer in Texas. He even reportedly flashed a badge at real officer.

4. How not to get to a meeting with your probation officer: On the bright side, 18-year-old Michael Johnson of Albuquerque made it to a meeting with his probation officer on time. Unfortunately, he did so by zipping over in a stolen electric shopping cart, say police.

5. To get jailed with beau, woman stole $4 wine: cops: Move over, Romeo and Juliet: Texas brings us the tale of star-crossed lover Alicia Walicke, who apparently missed her jailed boyfriend terribly. Her solution to their separation, as per the cops who busted her? Steal a bottle of wine.

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